I don't remember giving birth very well

[Velvet Fox]

Maybe it's just something that happens to some people, or maybe I'm getting old and my memory is fading. My son was born vaginally and my labour lasted close to 12 hours. I only used gas and there were no complications or trauma. I didn't suffer from PND, which is a big surprise because I was convinced that I would.

Does anyone else have very clear memories of giving birth or is it a haze for you too?

[STBG 2]

Many people I have spoken to have said that it is not until the first real contraction for a second baby do memories get triggered however there is no right or wrong as some mums can flash back very easily, especially if there has been birth trauma.

If you have other babies then being busy and tired with them can push memories to the back burner too.

I would simply say to not worry, if you are fine then that is all that matters as it is not a sign of how you feel about the child.

[Mantis]

I don't remember very well either. I do remember being in a lot of pain and just wanting it to be over.

I've joked many times that the only way people have more than one baby is if they're able to forget the bad things from the previous ones. A feature not a bug IYKWIM.

[Ernegirl]

I remember the “highlights.” The rest has faded. I honestly think that’s the mind and body’s way of recovering.

Come to think of it don’t remember a lot from the first few days either. I honestly think that’s the sleep deprivation. 

[LemonMyrtle]

I have memories. I remember my first because it was so complicated. I remember the induction, the horrible contractions, the epidural, the not-so-good midwives, being rushed to theatre, the anaesthetist getting DH involved to hold me (god bless anaesthetists) and my bum being physically dragged down the table as the Obs tried to pull DS out of me with forceps, she succeeded. I remember being stitched up, I could see a reflection in a light fixture, I could see my Obs lining everything up as she stitched and double checking the line of stitches as she went. (I think I was waiting for baby to be checked over, so I watched the stitching) and I remember the rest of my stay, which was damn awful and actually, I don’t like remembering everything post birth, cause it was so horrid, and makes me want to cry. 

My second was so much easier. Casual arrival, immediate epidural (which took a few attempts, ouch), lovely midwives, pushed when everything was ready. I remember I asked something like “is he coming?” And my obs said yes, and that I could feel DS’s head as he came out if I wanted, so I did, and I am so glad, because I had an epidural so could feel nothing blow the chest, but I have a solid memory of reaching down and feeling his wet hairy head with my fingertips as he was coming out. That made it so real for me. I’m so glad my obs suggested it. 

[StillFreddiesMum]

It's interesting because I remember bits and pieces of both births - and they were a long time ago - but some of the memories have stayed very sharp.  The interesting thing is I don't remember an awful lot about what happened immediately after the birth/s - like trying to breastfeed and get some sleep - all of that has faded and I think it that was just the sleep deprivation and shock of what my body had gone through.  

I do remember very very clearly that DD#1 was rushed off to the SCN in an incubator as she was a prem. DD#2 was full term and I got to cuddle her on my chest and I got to smell her.  She smelt like heaven.  It was just the most divine smell, I can't even describe it.  I didn't get that with DD#1. 

[Kiwi Bicycle]

I kept a pregnancy journal and it includes the birth. It's a good prompt, but even my planned c-section went sour, the shakes and a nurse who was busy, and I had pain relief given too late ( I was at screaming stage by then) that night. So some not so good memories. 

[Crombek]

Do you vividly remember other big life events OP? it's pretty normal for long term memory to get fuzzy. 

If it's something you never had clear memories of, that's pretty normal too. The brain doesn't store events terribly well when there's a lot going on. It definitely doesn't store pain - you can remember you had pain, but you can't actually conjure the sensory aspects of it as well as other senses.

[BoyMum2]

Pretty normal I think. I reckon your body/brain is too focused on the pain and the job at hand to make memories.
 

[Velvet Fox]

50 minutes ago, Crombek said:

Do you vividly remember other big life events OP? it's pretty normal for long term memory to get fuzzy. 

If it's something you never had clear memories of, that's pretty normal too. The brain doesn't store events terribly well when there's a lot going on. It definitely doesn't store pain - you can remember you had pain, but you can't actually conjure the sensory aspects of it as well as other senses.

Now that you mention it, not really. My wedding day is another one. Sometimes I wonder if it even happened.

[LunaFreya]

Trauma can deliberately change your memory to protect your brain. Some things are just too much and your brain says “Nope, we are going to park that on the back 40.”

That being said my memory of DS10’s birth is hazy, but then again for most of the time not a lot went on. I was just chilling in the pool mostly until it came to go time, when I was told I was fully dilated and I was all “Let’s do this!” and DS practically fell out like he was on a water slide.

I don’t remember much of the physical sensations, except for feeling like an elevator shaft with the cab going up and down. 
 

The clearest one I remember was holding DS after he was born. Still in the pool, still attached to me with the cord. He didn’t cry, just looked around at the world and coughed a bit. Then I felt his chest expand under my hand as he took his very first breath.

Edited August 30 by LunaFreya

[Meepy]

Entirely normal.  We can’t remember everything vividly.

[Jenflea]

I'm not sure why you'd WANT to remember  childbirth frankly? It's painful, messy and often traumatic. I know mine was.

It also went on for 15 hours or so, I don't need to remember all of that. I do recall crying in pain, the bloody anesthetist doing my epidural talking through my contractions and the smell of DD when she was put in my arms. I also remember the OB going "Oh" and wheeling the stool backwards as I had a PPH. I do vaguely recall the agony of the midwife 'massaging' my stomach while the OB had her arm in me up to her elbow trying to find the speck of placenta I retained. 

As @Meepy said, we can't remember everything in life. Our brains replace old stuff with new memories all the time. 

 

[ineedmorecoffee]

I don’t have a lot of great memories from dd’s birth, needed an emergency c section and there was trauma around how it all went. 

About 6 years later when I was being wheeled in for surgery to have a polyp removed, I lost it and burst into tears as all the memories came flooding back. The doctors were great and calmed me down in time for the GA to kick in.

[Jenflea]

I have medical anxiety since having DD that I never really had before. 

It's better than it was, but still there. 

[Ernegirl]

That’s entirely understandable @Jenflea

When I was on maternity leave, One Born Every Minute was on telly almost daily. I remember hyperventilating and shaking, and though I liked the feel good elements I often had to switch away, especially anything that mirrored my own experiences. Just couldn’t go there.

Even now if I see a picture of a water birth or a baby crowning naturally, I can meet it with equanimity, but if I see instruments (of torture ) it still unnerves me. So I get you

[Sincerely]

All three of my labours were very short (less than hour) so I remember all of them clearly.

My first labour was probably a few hours but it was recorded by the midwives as 45 mins. My waters broke just before midnight but I wasn’t in pain so the hospital (a tertiary referral public hospital where I had booked as a private patient) told us not to rush as the first labour is usually long. I finished watching the tv episode of STNG at home and leisurely showered. When we arrived at the hospital, I said I was having strong contractions, but they were painless, so the midwives said they were probably Braxton Hicks contractions and sent me to the post delivery ward (unmonitored bed as they didn’t think I was yet in labour). 

Two hours later, I thought I needed analgesia and asked if they had Panadeine, but they only had Panadol and the Forte formulas. I had never taken anything stronger than Panadol, so I didn’t know if I had the CYP2D6 genotype that would convert codeine to morphine and didn’t want the nausea side effect of codeine if I wasn’t going to get the analgesic benefits. We agreed that I would have one Forte tablet and see how I went, but as soon as I had taken that one tablet, I felt like pushing, so they rushed me to the labour ward and my eldest was born a few minutes later. I barely made it onto the delivery bed from the trolley. For the next five shifts, the midwives kept commenting on how amazingly quick my labour was for a primip - I suggested that my labour was probably longer than what was recorded, but I suspect the narrative they chose was better than the possibility that I might have been incorrectly triaged on admission. 

Timing was amazing as DH was the on call radiology registrar (at the same hospital) that night and he got paged just as we arrived and attended to a patient during the 2-3 hours I was (in retrospect) in painless labour and he finished in time to greet our eldest. 

Edited September 23 by Sincerely

[Yogaalaates]

Yes I remember.  I have the memory of an elephant, plus they were elective C sections so it was actually pretty chilled, mostly. But whenever people talk about the smell of their babies I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I have never smelt that divine baby smell people talk about. And I have a good sense of smell, so I don’t know why. Surely I’m not the only one?

[STBG 2]

11 minutes ago, Yogaalaates said:

Yes I remember.  I have the memory of an elephant, plus they were elective C sections so it was actually pretty chilled, mostly. But whenever people talk about the smell of their babies I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I have never smelt that divine baby smell people talk about. And I have a good sense of smell, so I don’t know why. Surely I’m not the only one?

To be honest I have not enjoyed smelling my babies until after they were washed which probably makes me a bad mum. My baby sniffing happens after the meconium, poop, fluid, blood and vernix is washed off and then I can't stop.

[Jenflea]

OMG I love the baby head smell!

DD was wiped down and I can still remember the smell deep down in my bones(it's a very primal smell to me) and didn't have her first bath for about 4 days, the night before I went home. 

I still sniff my friend's baby's heads(after asking of course, I'm not WEIRD) but now they all have teens they've stopped having babies, sigh. It's such a distinct smell. 

[Yogaalaates]

11 minutes ago, Jenflea said:

OMG I love the baby head smell!

DD was wiped down and I can still remember the smell deep down in my bones(it's a very primal smell to me) and didn't have her first bath for about 4 days, the night before I went home. 

I still sniff my friend's baby's heads(after asking of course, I'm not WEIRD) but now they all have teens they've stopped having babies, sigh. It's such a distinct smell. 

Yeah, nah. Can only smell baby product smell. 

[MsLaurie]

I remember a few things, but I reckon your brain does a solid job of compressing time and flattening out the nasty bits.

I don’t regret losing clear memories of contractions, GOOD SUPPRESSION JOB BRAIN.
I do remember being quite surprised they were both girls as I had been quite convinced I was having boys! 

[alchetta]

I was mindful that I might forget and so I made a really definitive clear statement out loud as I was being wheeled out of the delivery suite that "I am NEVER doing that again." Midwife disagreed but I knew I meant it and I haven't wavered in seven years.

I don't remember the awful bits to the point of reliving them, but the post birth issues and sheer difficulty of toddlerhood with first child mean there's very little risk of me repeating the experience due to forgetting about the pain of labour!

[Seayork2002]

I was induced, so from the time I arrived at hospital to the birth it was about 12 hours, I remember the first hour or so then an epidural and the actual birth which took maybe 30mins - 1hr or so I think

No way I account for 12 hours so maybe all up about 3

I was sent home about 12 hours or so after the birth