Hints for a learner driver and her nervous teacher?

[Cat]

Bumping this topic as we are struggling with teaching our DD to drive.

She was so excited to start with and I think her confidence has been dashed by it being much harder than she anticipated and her not kicking it up quickly. (That’s her MO with everything!) 

My DH initially was going to teach her and while he is a good technical teacher he can be quite serious rather than putting her at ease so she feels stressed / on edge with him instructing. She has said she is much more relaxed with me supervising, but I’ve only taken her in industrial estates, not on the road.

DH also seems to have the attitude that she needs to ask to go, rather than encouraging her. I think she needs the push / reminder.
And if it’s mildly windy or rainy he’ll say it’s not a good day… so that’s limiting opportunities.

Anyway - not sure whether to push or just ease off for a bit and maybe get he lessons during summer holidays? She 16 1/2 so we have a year and a half to get there which is good. I’m just worried about losing momentum and never getting it back iykwim?

 

[Smurfette]

I would cut hubby out of it for now, his attitude and approach don't seem an asset to the process. Teaching a kid to drive is not the most pleasant way to spend your time but sometimes as an adult you need to suck it up and fake some enthusiasm.

Keep taking her to quiet areas to build her confidence and keep the momentum going. Make it as positive and low stress as possible so it doesn't build up in her mind that it's all too hard. If it really is spiralling in a negative direction call in the experts sooner rather than leaving the negativity to build and fester in her mind till the holidays. That's just my thoughts on it, every kid needs a different approach though.

[Dadwasathome]

59 minutes ago, Cat said:

Bumping this topic as we are struggling with teaching our DD to drive.

She was so excited to start with and I think her confidence has been dashed by it being much harder than she anticipated and her not kicking it up quickly. (That’s her MO with everything!) 

My DH initially was going to teach her and while he is a good technical teacher he can be quite serious rather than putting her at ease so she feels stressed / on edge with him instructing. She has said she is much more relaxed with me supervising, but I’ve only taken her in industrial estates, not on the road.

DH also seems to have the attitude that she needs to ask to go, rather than encouraging her. I think she needs the push / reminder.
And if it’s mildly windy or rainy he’ll say it’s not a good day… so that’s limiting opportunities.

Anyway - not sure whether to push or just ease off for a bit and maybe get he lessons during summer holidays? She 16 1/2 so we have a year and a half to get there which is good. I’m just worried about losing momentum and never getting it back iykwim?

 

Just on he last para, does she need her P’s asap? What I’ve been finding with DS21 whose Ls are about to expire is that simply growing older is making him a better driver.  DS16 will want his Ps largely asap, but having done car racing computer games means that we can concentrate on roadcraft rather than physical driving skills so much.

it does sound that you taking the lead seems best atm. My experience has been that “not good conditions” is may be right for the first handful of hours, but is restricting afterwards. Building hours is about driving in a range of conditions.

[Jenflea]

My dad was teaching me to drive when I was 18, he was, frankly, awful. Snappy, not a good teacher, made me anxious. Would only take me in one carpark, and say things like "You;ll never learn to drive at this rate". Fuck him, I passed my test first got when I sat it later on!

FF 10 years and Dh taught me to drive and it was a lot smoother and even though I still get a bit anxious(at 50 lol) in heavy traffic or heavy rain etc) I'm a much better driver.

Dh WOULD take me out in rain etc you do need some experience in all weathers/conditions. 

So skip her dad, take her out yourself if she's more relaxed and confident. Not every parent is a good teacher.

DH will be teaching our DD, I'm  great driver, but a TERRIBLE passenger!

[Grumbles]

After some basic lessons I used to drive to school every morning. My poor Dad having to deal with that every morning before starting his work day but it gave me lots of experience driving in heavy traffic, braking, stopping at traffic lights and giving way to pedestrians.

One morning I remember missing my turn and having to continue up the main road and come back through a suburb with lots of hair pin bends. Dad was late that day I think. One morning he got pulled over after he left my school because he still had the L plates up.

[Jerry]

DD has had her Ls for 2 years.... She finally has her hours done and we have the test booked for end of November. It took DD ages to get going. She was anxious and not keen to drive, but I was keen to get her going!  I did mot of the driving with her, but for the first half of her driving we mostly did the same drive over and over - her 3 x weekly route to her dance school. That helped get her confidence up, as she became familiar with the route's quirks. She also had about 10 professional lessons. 

We only added a new little route or aspect of driving very gradually, which helped with her confidence. 

She is back now having lessons for parking, 3 point turns, reversing etc. I leave the really technical bits to the pros.

I think you have to go really steady, whilst still doing some driving each week where possible, on known, easy routes to start with .

[Cat]

1 hour ago, Jerry said:

DD has had her Ls for 2 years.... She finally has her hours done and we have the test booked for end of November. It took DD ages to get going. She was anxious and not keen to drive, but I was keen to get her going!  I did mot of the driving with her, but for the first half of her driving we mostly did the same drive over and over - her 3 x weekly route to her dance school. That helped get her confidence up, as she became familiar with the route's quirks. She also had about 10 professional lessons. 

We only added a new little route or aspect of driving very gradually, which helped with her confidence. 

She is back now having lessons for parking, 3 point turns, reversing etc. I leave the really technical bits to the pros.

I think you have to go really steady, whilst still doing some driving each week where possible, on known, easy routes to start with .

Thanks. This is helpful. It’s nice to know there is hope after a slow start.

[Gumbette]

7 hours ago, Cat said:

Bumping this topic as we are struggling with teaching our DD to drive.

She was so excited to start with and I think her confidence has been dashed by it being much harder than she anticipated and her not kicking it up quickly. (That’s her MO with everything!) 

My DH initially was going to teach her and while he is a good technical teacher he can be quite serious rather than putting her at ease so she feels stressed / on edge with him instructing. She has said she is much more relaxed with me supervising, but I’ve only taken her in industrial estates, not on the road.

DH also seems to have the attitude that she needs to ask to go, rather than encouraging her. I think she needs the push / reminder.
And if it’s mildly windy or rainy he’ll say it’s not a good day… so that’s limiting opportunities.

Anyway - not sure whether to push or just ease off for a bit and maybe get he lessons during summer holidays? She 16 1/2 so we have a year and a half to get there which is good. I’m just worried about losing momentum and never getting it back iykwim?

 

I've given up for the time being, and I'm paying for professional lessons. We were going up and down our little street at 10kms an hour - mixture of me white knuckling and her lack of confidence.  In the instructors car she can now keep up with traffic, up to 90kms.  Still not great at roundabouts though apparently.  I'm waiting for the instructor to give me the okay before I start taking her in my car to get her hours up. I can't really jump back & forth between professional & private lessons as the instructor has an ICE and I have an EV.  DD's had about 12 professional lessons so it's been slow for us too.

[Julie3Girls]

I’m another who has given up temporarily. The amount of stress/panic attacks, just made it not worth it. This year has been so busy with yr12 stuff. I was going to get her driving to school, but we would always be a hurry due to early classes, and coming home, I came to the conclusion that the 15 minute school debrief on the way home was more important than the driving. 
So we decided to simply shelf the whole thing until after hsc. Book some lessons to kick start her again after the last exams. Might try and get some around the block type driving over the next couple of weeks to ease back in.

[Dadwasathome]

1 hour ago, Julie3Girls said:

I’m another who has given up temporarily. The amount of stress/panic attacks, just made it not worth it. This year has been so busy with yr12 stuff. I was going to get her driving to school, but we would always be a hurry due to early classes, and coming home, I came to the conclusion that the 15 minute school debrief on the way home was more important than the driving. 
So we decided to simply shelf the whole thing until after hsc. Book some lessons to kick start her again after the last exams. Might try and get some around the block type driving over the next couple of weeks to ease back in.

I was DP’s main supervising driver years ago, and she’s largely ceded responsibility for the boys to me.

I’d be happy for DS21 to be on his P’s tomorrow (I think), but his view is that he has no need to drive (PT is great where we are).

. But seeing an improvement 3 or even 6 months between driving sessions has been instructive for me. A bit of time can help if needed.

[screm]

DD is a work in progress too. She's had at least 12 professional lessions and has driven with me in the car multiple times. As so as something happens that makes her anxious she won't drive again for a few weeks. She really struggles with instructions due to autism/ADHD but she started dexamphetamine a few weeks ago.It's definitely helped her concentration and instruction following. But it'still months away before she'll be ready to take her test.

[Gumbette]

1 minute ago, screm said:

DD is a work in progress too. She's had at least 12 professional lessions and has driven with me in the car multiple times. As so as something happens that makes her anxious she won't drive again for a few weeks. She really struggles with instructions due to autism/ADHD but she started dexamphetamine a few weeks ago.It's definitely helped her concentration and instruction following. But it'still months away before she'll be ready to take her test.

Thank you for sharing.  DD is ASD/ADHD too. 

[Kerilyntaryn21]

My DD is 19 she originally started well and she had a lesson through a driving school and didn't drive for a few years, so no just recommenced with us, she's doing really well, she also has ASD, ADHD, on meds she said she is more confident