Hints for a learner driver and her nervous teacher?

[LifesGood]

I feel you @Gumbette it was so stressful at the start with DD. Let me tell you what we did.

• Took her to a cemetery mid-week. Lots of jokes about 'well if I kill us both at least we are already in the right place' etc.
• Went to a very quiet part of a nearby neighbourhood on weekends.
• Bought a small car secondhand (our large family car was too powerful and too big for her to learn on).
• Got her several private lessons first up.

Now she has 55 hours under her belt and is terrific. She drives us wherever we need to go now and we feel quite confident with her.

Its much harder than when I learned to drive, it is just so busy everywhere and cars are so much bigger and more powerful.

[MarciaB]

A very quiet suburban neighbour hood also works quite well. Good luck! 

[STBG 2]

1 hour ago, 4hunter said:

My DD has a lot of anxiety about talking to new people so we decided together that it would be best for her if I did the initial lessons rather than an instructor...one set of anxieties at a time. We started out in an industrial parking lot just getting used to the accelerator and brake, then adding in turns around the lanes of parking spots etc, then in the second lesson started again woth that then added in more precise turns into parking spaces and driving from one parking lot to the next. Third lesson we added in some reversing, and tried out an actual road in the industrial estate so she could get some more speed. It wasn't until our 5th lesson we actually drove on a suburban road. But basically I'm just trying to add on one or two new skills each time. We are going really slowly, but I think that is what my anxious DD needs to feel ok. She likes to feel confident with one skill before we add in another.

I think if the person who is not teaching is not the anxious one but it is the student then this is a good choice.

[Redchick]

I’m teaching both my twin boys to drive and the first 6+ weeks were exclusively driving around an empty TAFE carpark on a Sunday morning. Definitely no reversing and it was a good few weeks before we even got enough speed for the doors to automatically lock (and I think that happens at 15km/h!). We also did practises with hitting the brakes hard so they could know what it feels like. I also made them indicate for every single turn in the car park so they developed good habits.
 

We then moved onto very quiet suburban streets around my house or for a change of scene I would drive us to a different suburb (so they didn’t have to drive on main roads) and then they would drive around those streets. We did that for another couple of months. 
 

Then we moved onto the bigger streets between suburbs and now they can drive anywhere (so now I get errands done as part of driving lessons!).

HTH

 

RC
 

 

[littlebirdy]

Good luck with the lessons @Gumbette

I am not enjoying teaching DD at all! She argues with me about everything and it is an awful experience to be honest.

I started by taking her to the local athletic track carpark and practised driving forward and straight back for a while so she could get used to the car and what everything did. I had to get her to take her left shoe off to help her to stop driving with 2 feet. We then did some slow laps of the carpark learning turns and indicating etc with a few other learners doing the same.

After that I paid for 6 lessons which she seemed to learn very slowly at (which is ok). I have since taken her out twice, first around some backstreets for a while and then driving on the main roads back home. I actually hate the back streets the most because she drives too close to the parked cars and too fast - then argues with me about every instruction. It feels like there is more room on the main roads. 

The last time we went out, DD drove the whole family to the IL's and DH was sitting behind me on the passenger side and found it a stressful experience too. DH has no patience and him and DD are too alike so it falls to me to do the lessons for now.

I think I will book her some more lessons to focus on reversing and parking, which we haven't done yet.

One thing with DD is that she is not at all observant whilst being a passenger, and I think that is hindering her progress a bit too. I try to talk about what I am doing when driving but she just does not want to listen.

[Not Escapin Xmas]

Another option if your brand car is part of the stress, is to join goget and use their cars. Here’s the info: https://help.goget.com.au/en/articles/4806553-i-have-a-learners-driver-s-license-can-i-still-join

[Jerry]

My DD is 18 and still working towards her Ps. She has over 60 hours up now, but it is slow going. She is anxious...and I am nervous. Trying to be calm though.  DD has had about 8 lessons. I do recommend her going with an instructor early on for a few lessons. Means they are taught with a person who is trained to be calm, then she will be more ready to drive with you. 

We do lots of tries on familiar routes - expanding out a little as we go. She has driven on the freeway etc. But we add on little by little.

Definitely started in the empty car park scenario.

Good luck! Getting to the required hours (100 here in Queensland) seems like eternity.

[blackcat20]

My mum took me to a university carpark every weekend for a few weeks, then built up to letting me drive between my grandmas house and our house. Then further and further. I only had professional lessons at the end to tidy things up and make sure I knew what was required for the test.

[Romeo Void]

We took our DD driving around our local cemetery.  There are roads, signs, even a roundabout in ours. It gave her a good grounding before getting out on the main roads. Highly recommend.

Edited May 5 by Romeo Void

[VeritasVinumArte]

University Car Parks on weekends. Industrial parks. Quiet suburban Streets with few cars parked on streets. The build up to local known roads. ETA university roads if open tend to have low speed limits and can have round a bouts, lights etc to practice too.

I tried learning to drive years ago with my mum on local streets but her stress, stressed me out and we ended up having a huge argument and I stormed off out of the car and walked home. I ended up with 5 lessons with a Driving company before getting back into the car myself. The first 2 lessons were Auto co I could learn how steering, braking and acceleration. How to handle a car before we introduced a Manual car and learning all that went with that.

I have 2 with Learners but they really aren’t interested in driving. Coming up to 17yo (we are in VIC so Ps are 18) has a slight interest but still under 10hrs. Coming up to 19yo also under 10hrs. Ironically for both of them they have 2-3hrs each from Driving to Sydney Christmas/Boxing Day (we stay overnight Gundagai) so driving at 110kms (Victorian L plates not speed limited). Eldest has zero interest in gaining his Ps as he gets himself everywhere by public transport and walking.

Edited May 5 by VeritasVinumArte

[ContentedFleur]

If DD ever gets her Ls, I fully intend to book her in with the RACV driving instructor for about 10 lessons before she gets in with either of us. We are not good teachers, DH and I. 

And then she can join the hordes of learners; my suburb has a VicRoads centre at one side of it, and the professional driving teachers all work out of it, and we now have a game where we count L platers. Current highest: 31 separate L platers in one day!

[Gumbette]

1 hour ago, Not Escapin Xmas said:

Another option if your brand car is part of the stress, is to join goget and use their cars. Here’s the info: https://help.goget.com.au/en/articles/4806553-i-have-a-learners-driver-s-license-can-i-still-join

I did look into that - the excess is huge ($4k), but the real issue is driving an ICE vs an EV, I'm concerned it may confuse her even more.  I will book a few more lessons with an instructor and see how we go.  She's also adamant she doesn't want a petrol car either which is why I think we'll share a car until she can either afford a 2nd hand EV or I give her mine, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  

[Kiwi Bicycle]

10 minutes ago, ContentedFleur said:

If DD ever gets her Ls, I fully intend to book her in with the RACV driving instructor for about 10 lessons before she gets in with either of us. We are not good teachers, DH and I. 

And then she can join the hordes of learners; my suburb has a VicRoads centre at one side of it, and the professional driving teachers all work out of it, and we now have a game where we count L platers. Current highest: 31 separate L platers in one day!

They are around our area too. The Police has told the instructors to stay off the official testing routes as they were teaching to the route, not actually teaching to drive ( funnily enough it was the older international learners forcing this issue). 

I watched one of the routes someone had filmed on YouTube and was extremely disappointed to see no highway driving as part of the test, especially there there is a freeway and a toll way just right there. NZ tests have a compulsory 100km/hr section as part of the test.

Edited May 6 by Kiwi Bicycle

[Jenflea]

New suburbs are good to learn on too. 

They'll have the streets done, but virtually no cars on the weekends or late afternoons after the tradies have left.

Dh actually learnt to drive 35 years ago in the suburb we now live in, it had virtually no houses back then. He'll be teaching DD to drive, he taught me and I'm an EXCELLENT driver! I'm probably better than he is now, he hardly ever drives anymore and can be a bit clunky on the brakes and clutch when he gets in after a few weeks not driving. Or I just notice it more now lol, but I'ma  nervous passenger so won't be the best teacher to DD I'm sure. 

She'll probably have to learn a manual too if we still have our car in 3 years. 

 

[Gumbette]

Just now, Jenflea said:

New suburbs are good to learn on too. 

They'll have the streets done, but virtually no cars on the weekends or late afternoons after the tradies have left.

Dh actually learnt to drive 35 years ago in the suburb we now live in, it had virtually no houses back then. He'll be teaching DD to drive, he taught me and I'm an EXCELLENT driver! I'm probably better than he is now, he hardly ever drives anymore and can be a bit clunky on the brakes and clutch when he gets in after a few weeks not driving. Or I just notice it more now lol, but I'ma  nervous passenger so won't be the best teacher to DD I'm sure. 

She'll probably have to learn a manual too if we still have our car in 3 years. 

 

Ah, yes, I might go find a Greenfield development somewhere on a Sunday.  Good idea!

[Dusty]

All the best @Gumbette your quandary re ICE v EV is real.

I wonder if there are any Driving Instructor companies that offer EVs to learn in? That would be ideal, yeah?

[Gumbette]

2 minutes ago, Dusty said:

All the best @Gumbette your quandary re ICE v EV is real.

I wonder if there are any Driving Instructor companies that offer EVs to learn in? That would be ideal, yeah?

QLD yes, NSW not yet as far as I can see.  Semi retirement career change for me perhaps?

[Mooguru]

14 hours ago, Gumbette said:

@onetrick- I’ll start explaining what I’m doing when I drive.thanks! 

According to a family friend who is a now retired driving instructor:

20 years ago Students came for their first lesson having spent their entire lives subconsciously observing traffic and their parents driving. So teaching kids to drive primarily involved the physicality of driving - how much to press the accelerator, how sensitive the brakes are, how far to turn the steering wheel etc. Understanding traffic was definitely part of it but it was secondary because most kids already had a pretty good understanding of the basics.

These days, many of the kids learning to drive have never observed traffic. From babyhood on they've had dvds, ipads, phones or other distractions to look at for the duration of car trips. So they are starting to drive having absolutely zero awareness of anything driving or traffic related. 

So definitely start talking through what you're doing and make sure she's actively involved in the conversation. Don't even attempt to get into a car together with her driving until you're both in tune with each other whilst you're driving.

Edited May 6 by Mooguru
Wrong word

[Dusty]

1 hour ago, Gumbette said:

QLD yes, NSW not yet as far as I can see.  Semi retirement career change for me perhaps?

Yeah it’s probably still quite a niche market, bugger hey

[Gumbette]

Thanks to everyone, today DD has been sitting in the front passenger seat with me while I've talked out loud non stop explaining what I'm doing.  Grating but hopefully effective. 

[Ballogo]

OP thank you for starting this thread - I have been feeling incredibly guilty because I hate giving driving lessons.  I have three on their Ls - DD17, DS19 and DD21.  

I know what to do and how to do it and I began with DD21.  We began in a uni car park on Sundays.  We moved to an industrial park, and then to quiet streets.  She detests driving.  No matter how much positive feedback I gave her she hated driving and I began to struggle when driving with her.  I have to hide how I feel, but my heart rate would rise and I couldn't wait until each lesson was over.  At 21 years old she now doesn't need the hours.  I gave her a gift of six driving lesson for Christmas 2022 - she has not used them. 

So now that DS19 wants to learn I have begun teaching him.  We've done about 3 hours together.  As a cyclist he has a much greater understanding of the roads and seems to have more quickly grasped steering and handling the car.  We made it out onto the local roads a lot more quickly, but his confidence is a little higher than his skills and last time he went out too hard and too fast for my liking.  He reaslied it as we drove and pulled himself back, but my heart rate was through the roof and I hated every minute of it.  I have passed on his sister's driving lessons to him, but he's so shy that he has taken two months to call a driving instructor and set up a lesson.  I'm pretty sure once he's had those six lessons I'll feel comfortable having him drive us around.  He is also more motivated as he wants to do an mechanics apprenticement and a licence is highly desireable.

DD17 has been driving with me once - I had to use the hand brake about three times.  Her steering is terrible!  I know I am a horrible mother, but I just couldn't drive with her again.  I paid for some lessons over Summer, but the lovely instructor is fully booked up at other times.  

Luckily for me all three of them can get around - the girls can go any where on public transport and my son rides every where.

But I am a massive failure as a driving instructor.  I have used and applied all of my teaching strategies and I really really hope that my kids have not picked up on how much I hate it, but I feel so guilty about not being able to teach them.

[Sancti-claws]

There are quite a few sites that will give tips on teaching teenagers to drive - perhaps looking at some of them may give pointers.

I seem to recall an acquaintance got to go in the car with the instructor and her child once and got a lot of good pointers in how to help her child.

[little lion]

Don’t be so hard on yourself @Ballogo. There’s a reason why there are primary school teachers, driving instructors, sport coaches etc. and us parents don’t teach our kids 100 per cent of life’s skills. 

[onetrick]

@Ballogo, I'm sure I'm going to feel the same. I teach for a living and nothing makes me more exhausted than when home feels like work (you know those days...). Reading at night is fine, it's quick. But driving? Yeah... its tough.

@Gumbette, just on the EV thing... it could be handy for your DD to learn both. When I got my licence I got manual so that in an emergency I could drive someone else's car. This happened more than once. Maybe view EV/ ICE as a similar issue? Being able to drive other cars (not necessarily now, but closer to licence time) is a great skill to have.

[Gumbette]

10 hours ago, Ballogo said:

OP thank you for starting this thread - I have been feeling incredibly guilty because I hate giving driving lessons.  I have three on their Ls - DD17, DS19 and DD21.  

I know what to do and how to do it and I began with DD21.  We began in a uni car park on Sundays.  We moved to an industrial park, and then to quiet streets.  She detests driving.  No matter how much positive feedback I gave her she hated driving and I began to struggle when driving with her.  I have to hide how I feel, but my heart rate would rise and I couldn't wait until each lesson was over.  At 21 years old she now doesn't need the hours.  I gave her a gift of six driving lesson for Christmas 2022 - she has not used them. 

So now that DS19 wants to learn I have begun teaching him.  We've done about 3 hours together.  As a cyclist he has a much greater understanding of the roads and seems to have more quickly grasped steering and handling the car.  We made it out onto the local roads a lot more quickly, but his confidence is a little higher than his skills and last time he went out too hard and too fast for my liking.  He reaslied it as we drove and pulled himself back, but my heart rate was through the roof and I hated every minute of it.  I have passed on his sister's driving lessons to him, but he's so shy that he has taken two months to call a driving instructor and set up a lesson.  I'm pretty sure once he's had those six lessons I'll feel comfortable having him drive us around.  He is also more motivated as he wants to do an mechanics apprenticement and a licence is highly desireable.

DD17 has been driving with me once - I had to use the hand brake about three times.  Her steering is terrible!  I know I am a horrible mother, but I just couldn't drive with her again.  I paid for some lessons over Summer, but the lovely instructor is fully booked up at other times.  

Luckily for me all three of them can get around - the girls can go any where on public transport and my son rides every where.

But I am a massive failure as a driving instructor.  I have used and applied all of my teaching strategies and I really really hope that my kids have not picked up on how much I hate it, but I feel so guilty about not being able to teach them.

OMG you are not a horrible mother!  I have a friends who is 26, complain constantly about public transport but still don’t want to learn how to drive.  On the other hand a colleague’s son isn’t on his L’s yet, but could comfortably drive his family around if it was legal (family owns a huge farm so he can practice). A lot has to do with their motivation. I didn’t realise how hard teaching was either and now appreciate the $100/hr I’m paying an instructor. I’m also not ruling out paying for an instructor to give DD the majority of her hours. 
 

@onetrick - agreed re the ICE vs EV, which is why I think I’ll use a professional instructor to gain the majority of DD’s hours, figured I’ll kill 2 birds with 1 stone. 

Edited May 6 by Gumbette