Hints for a learner driver and her nervous teacher?

[Gumbette]

DD now has her L's, I'm so nervous that all we're doing is driving up & down our culdesac at 15kms / hr.  Is this normal for the first few lessons?  I have booked her a lesson at the end of May (first date available), but I'm so nervous, and she seems bloody terrible. She has no idea about how hard to accelerate, and doesn't seem to be looking in the correct direction when reversing.  Today I asked her to pull away from the curb and she headed straight for a bollard in front of the car without even trying to turn the wheel.    I don't remember being this hopeless when I started, or maybe I'm an awful teacher.  Doesn't help that the car is only 3 months old either so I'm even more nervous.

[Kiwi Bicycle]

Put on hold until she has 6 lessons under her belt. Then you will both feel better. She's nervous because you are nervous.

[screm]

My DD has been learning to drive for a few months now and I'm still extremely nervous with her driving. She forgets to look sometimes before turning into the next road, she still can't work out which way to turn the wheel when reversing out of the garage or parking space to avoid hitting car or bin at the side. She's had about 8 lessons with an instructor. She panics very easily but she has Autistic traits, severe anxiety and is being assessed for inattentive ADHD. 

I got my license first go after 5 lessons. DD is going take months of lessons. 

First 3 times she drove I took her to the uni car park near us on a Sunday afternoon so just going forward, indicating, turning and going around the little roundabout & stopping with no other cars about.

Edited May 5 by screm
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[little lion]

My mum was a nervous teacher so I’m glad she didn’t do many early lessons with me. Going to an instructor was helpful for me and having lessons with Mum again once I sort of knew what I was doing was better. I think your daughter will pick up on your nerves about her skill and the new car and it’ll feed her. 

[Julie3Girls]

My first drive with my girls was up and down our culdesac.  And then a lot of time just going around the very quiet, very empty streets around our house.  First few times driving, I didn’t make them reverse - I moved the car to the road, so it was just driving forward, getting the feel of the accelerator and brakes.
Do you have any places nearby with large empty car parks? Or an industrial estate that has no traffic after hours/weekends? 
You need some space where she can actually get a feel for the car without worrying too much about traffic.  You do need to get out of the culdesac.

It’s nerve wracking. You need to work out what teaching method works for your DD. I know my youngest likes me talk through things - even if she knows what she is doing, she likes the reassurance of having me say it at this point.  I also do a lot of drive talking to her while I am driving, her in the front passenger seat, so she can pay attention and see what I am doing

hopefully a couple of professional lessons will help jump start her driving.

[Immismum]

Or go to a car park on a Sunday.

i couldn’t afford lessons, so the first drive I took my daughter to an empty sports field car park in a Sunday.  We just drove round and round very very slowly.

we then moved to an industrial park on the weekends.  Wide roads designed for semi trailers, but no traffic.  Took a month before we were on real roads with regular traffic.

a very ,one very boring month…

[Saphy]

Is she going to be driving your car once she gets her licence? This is very privileged, but if you/she were going to buy a car for her regular use once she has her licence, perhaps do it earlier so she can learn in that. 

Is there anyone else who could take her for a drive in the next month before she has her official lesson.  Uncles/aunts or good friends? Might take the pressure off both of you. 

But definitely nerve wracking (and even worse in a manual with the bunny hopping/stalling etc). 
 

[Gumbette]

I actually went to a sports park today - one suggested by another mum at DD’s school.  I have never seen so many people! I think I might need to look a bit further afield for an industrial car park maybe. 

[Gumbette]

4 minutes ago, Saphy said:

Is she going to be driving your car once she gets her licence? This is very privileged, but if you/she were going to buy a car for her regular use once she has her licence, perhaps do it earlier so she can learn in that. 

Is there anyone else who could take her for a drive in the next month before she has her official lesson.  Uncles/aunts or good friends? Might take the pressure off both of you. 

But definitely nerve wracking (and even worse in a manual with the bunny hopping/stalling etc). 
 

Yes, I think we’ll share a car - until we can’t.  We live within walking distance from a train station so I dare say she’ll use public transport whilst at uni. 

[Bebecita]

Being in Sydney, I can't think of any suitable car parks which might be empty on the weekends. They generally tend to be packed and yet  I can totally understand why people recommend them as this is exactly how I learnt to drive growing up in the country.  However I can vouch for industrial estates being a good option.  That's where I will take my son for his first lessons once he is old enough.

[Gumbette]

The hunt for an industrial park it is I think. 

[onetrick]

Do you drive much with her as a passenger? I remember that Dad narrated every thought that he had while driving, when I was the passenger, for quite a while before I had my learners. I found that really useful. So like 'oh, that car in the lane next to us is slowing down, I think they are trying to move over', 'I think the lights might change to green soon, so I'll ease off the break and keep slight pressure on it'. It was great as it gave me a chance to ask questions without the pressure of actual driving. Oh, and we did- 4 lessons with an instructor first, then the industrial park until I had confidence, then roads. 

An ex student of mine managed to drive into a fire hydrant on her first lesson with her dad, and sprayed water everywhere. Just in case you wanted a comparison where you definitely feel better about yourself.

[Gumbette]

20 minutes ago, Immismum said:

Or go to a car park on a Sunday.

i couldn’t afford lessons, so the first drive I took my daughter to an empty sports field car park in a Sunday.  We just drove round and round very very slowly.

we then moved to an industrial park on the weekends.  Wide roads designed for semi trailers, but no traffic.  Took a month before we were on real roads with regular traffic.

a very ,one very boring month…

A month - oh that makes me feel so much better! 

[Gumbette]

@onetrick- I’ll start explaining what I’m doing when I drive.thanks! 

Edited May 5 by Gumbette

[amdirel]

My kids' first drive was in a large empty car park at night, where they learnt how to accelerate, brake, and steer.

Second drive was in an industrial park, again at night. This was where they learnt how to steer more precisely, as it has little 'streets', and they also learnt how to use their indicators, and how to approach 'intersections' and check for traffic.

After that were a couple of driving lessons in an instructor car. The instructor told me when they were ready to drive with me. DD was ready pretty much after one lesson. Younger DS was a little bit longer, and I also took him for several night time drives in the industrial area (not the industrial park, but on the actual road), before I was comfortable taking him in the day time where there was traffic. The industrial area was good too for getting up to the speed limit, but with a generous space around us, just in case!! 

Older DS is still refusing, he's too anxious, but when i get younger DS all done, I'm going to pay for some lessons for older DS; I'm hoping that being in a dual control car might be a bit more reassuring for him.

 

[Jenflea]

Does she sit in the front seat when you drive? I say go out a lot with her as a passenger and narrate what you're doing. You can't expect her to just KNOW how hard to press on the accelerator if she's never done it before, or paid attention to what you're doing. My DD is 14 and I've started pointing stuff out when she's in the front with me, to get her used to what she'll need to do eventually. 

Dh taught me to drive, in the industrial suburb not that far from where we live. On the weekends there's a HUGE line of learners lol, all driving slowly, doing 3 point turns, then they pull over, and the licensed driver swaps seats and they drive home up the highway. 

Few months later, learner driver drives there and back. It's a Canberra rite of passage lol, going out to Hume on the weekends to learn. 

I remember dad teaching my sister to drive. He'd tell her to keep left, that meant she was virtually in the gutter hitting the garbage bins on the side of the street lol. 

[Sancti-claws]

1 hour ago, Gumbette said:

The hunt for an industrial park it is I think. 

School car park? Go for a drive out of town and find an industrial park?

[Moomintroll]

1 hour ago, Gumbette said:

The hunt for an industrial park it is I think. 

 

1 hour ago, Gumbette said:

The hunt for an industrial park it is I think. 

A university carpark may be quieter on the weekend.  A think Macquarie uni has some big car parks which the public can get into. 

[Littlepickle]

I made a decision to not get in the car with any learner driver of mine until they actually successfully obtained their P's. This was because I had such a traumatic time with my own mother trying to teach me to drive that we all decided it was best that the driving instructor was responsible for the bulk of the 50 hours. 

[STBG 2]

This may be an unpopular opinion but an overly nervous person would be best not to be the initial instructor for their children.

We bought our kids some private lessons for their 18th birthday then DH did the remainder of the teaching. I know I was lucky to have him as many don't have that option but I would actively seek someone else.

I am not a nervous person generally but I had been in a MVA and I was and still am a terrible passenger.

[overlytired]

I'll echo PPs who have suggested finding an empty parking lot to practice in. Remember that it's not so much about driving at this point, but if this is her first time behind the wheel, she needs to learn what everything is. Before even starting the engine, get her to set the mirrors – tell her what parts of the car she's supposed to see out of each one, start the windshield wipers, climate controls, indicators, how to adjust the steering wheel (up, down, in, out) and the seat so she's comfortable (it's not just about reaching the pedals).

Get her to practice accelerating and braking so she has an idea how long it takes to stop, what a particular speed looks or feels like, etc. Practice parking between lines, to get a sense of what the turning radius is and whether what she think the car is doing matches what the car is actually doing. Being a passenger teaches you nothing of this.

Now, when you tell her to signal left, she knows which of the sticky-out-y  bits does that, is less likely to start the wiper blades inadvertently and make a reactive move, instead focusing on checking her blind spot and changing lanes.

But also, I am a proponent of driving lessons even if not mandatory (they are not in some provinces here, which is ). No emotion, no personal baggage, and some standardized knowledge

Edited May 5 by overlytired
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[Over the rainbow]

I agree with P P saying get lessons first if you can afford it. Instructors have a spare brake and a lot of knowledge and patience.

Check you local Fb page for recommendations.

We tried on our own for our first then lessons. His feedback to us was at least 3 lessons first, then practice with us, then some more lessons including any where we were nervous to try, more practice then final lessons until test.

Our other chin did this and felt much more comfortable. We were also able to include a really challenging local area into the lessons.

If you can't find your calm, find someone else. Also consider going to places with less people on weekends, eg universities, school parking, etc

[4hunter]

My DD has a lot of anxiety about talking to new people so we decided together that it would be best for her if I did the initial lessons rather than an instructor...one set of anxieties at a time. We started out in an industrial parking lot just getting used to the accelerator and brake, then adding in turns around the lanes of parking spots etc, then in the second lesson started again woth that then added in more precise turns into parking spaces and driving from one parking lot to the next. Third lesson we added in some reversing, and tried out an actual road in the industrial estate so she could get some more speed. It wasn't until our 5th lesson we actually drove on a suburban road. But basically I'm just trying to add on one or two new skills each time. We are going really slowly, but I think that is what my anxious DD needs to feel ok. She likes to feel confident with one skill before we add in another.

[Jolly_F]

My kids started out at the cemetery, bonus most people there are already dead if you have a mishap  

It got them used to turns and hills and a few other things. We did that a few times and then onto the road. 

We plan to have a couple of lessons towards the end to check on their habits ready to sit the Ps test! 

[Scootaloo]

10 hours ago, Immismum said:

Or go to a car park on a Sunday.

i couldn’t afford lessons, so the first drive I took my daughter to an empty sports field car park in a Sunday.  We just drove round and round very very slowly.

we then moved to an industrial park on the weekends.  Wide roads designed for semi trailers, but no traffic.  Took a month before we were on real roads with regular traffic.

a very ,one very boring month…

We drove around and around an industrial park for weeks before trying anything much more complicated. It’s boring, but once they get the hang of the turns etc they can then get a feel for the actual driving. 
 

we didn’t reverse or park or nothing for a long time. I pulled out of the driveway and she drove from there, and for a while I even pulled back into the garage etc too. Parking we went to a mostly empty car park and parked and parked parked. Over and over Lol boring - but worth it